Boxes and ultimatums I care for neither. Here’s a little fact, tell me I can’t do something and I will probably do it any way just to prove you wrong. Chances are if you don’t tell me what I can and cannot do all the time I will make good choices.
For the little things in life there has to be room for the individual. There is a reason why as a younger person I never felt the desire to do drugs or get drunk all the time. It is simple. My parents never tried to control me. God bless them for that because I could easily have been a hellion.
Instead they gave me the tools and freedom to make good choices for myself. And I did just that. I also knew that they wouldn’t get mad at me if I chose to die my hair purple, shave my head, etc. And their love for me would never stop. Perhaps they did spoil me with this notion of unconditional love, but then again I also learned that from all the animals that have come into my life. Call me crazy, but unconditional love shouldn’t be that hard to come by in a relationship.
Now when it comes to buying a house, making major life changing decisions and so forth then absolutely your partner should be able to weigh in their opinion and be honest. The key is to do it in a mature way such as, “Right now may not be the best timing, but perhaps if we start saving now by next year we could do that:” Just as an example.
Relationships should not be about total and complete control or always squashing something that is important to your partner.
Every now and then you have to be willing to step back and make a compromise or sacrifice so your partner can exercise individuality. This should go both ways. Like a revolving door.