I have recently become a little cynical. Not bitter there is a difference. Love does not conquer all, woodland creatures do not erupt into song and pumpkins do not turn into magical creatures.
Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty take a hike! I’m writing my own fairy tale.
Once a upon a time…………
There lived a young girl who dreamed of far away lands, adventure and changing the world. Her heroes were Jacques Cousteau, Rachel Carson, Jane Goodall, Martin Luther King, Ghandi and her Mother. She never really saw herself as needing a boy to be happy. Dreaming of her wedding day was not something she did. Deep down she knew that what she wanted to do with her life was more important than wedding days and white picket fences. Her day dreams were about the articles she read in National Geographic and having a career where she could constantly learn and explore the world just like the magazine.
Before she knew it the world she dreamed of changed drastically. She fell in love. Her dreams started to change but she was also at war with herself. She loved this boy deeply but she didn’t want to give up exploring the world and making a difference.
While she was on this journey she found it hard to give up so many things. She was young how could she handle all this and be in love. She wanted to make him happy so she tried to change a lot of things about herself. Isn’t that what you do when you love someone, she would ask?
Eventually the boy she fell in love with asked her to marry him. She was excited but also terrified. Did he really love her for who she was or for who he told her to be? She pondered and pondered this question and decided he had to love her for who she was. Or so she thought…….
She thought their marriage would be her happily ever after. Slowly over time she began to feel scared and unsure of herself. Life had thrown them so much to deal with. During their first major turmoil he was never really there for her. She felt empty, alone. She had no one to talk to. She wanted her husband, the man she loved to be there for her. To pick her up when she fell. Eventually she learned she would have to deal with things on her own in order to survive.
Not too far down the road life threw her the biggest turmoil ever. As they tell her she fell off her horse and suffered a head injury. This she found out after waking up in a hospital room. She asked over and over again, “Am I going to be retarded.” She couldn’t think, she couldn’t remember anything. She knew something wasn’t right. Her brain felt like it had been turned off. Who was she now. Throughout her recovery she struggled to regain herself, to remember who she was. There was so much she had to relearn and gain back. Time they told her it would take time.
She didn’t have time to give. She wanted to be better now. At first people were there for her. She felt like she wasn’t alone through this. And then people seemed to stop caring. She knew they didn’t understand what it felt like to have a brain injury. It’s not something people can see. It’s an inner struggle and healing process. She started to feel alone and scared again. Patience is what she had to learn and how to adapt to this brain that didn’t work correctly.
Finally she started to feel more like herself. Her fear of being permanently damaged began to subside. Now she thought my happily ever after will happen. So much she had overcame. She would be done with school, have a good job and raise a family with the man she loved and commited her life to. Through her recovery she fell in love with him all over again. She finally felt like he understood how to be there for her. It was exciting to know their life was really about to begin.
Her dreams had changed but she was ok with that. Out of no where he started acting different and told her he couldn’t commit to her as a husband and he didn’t want to have kids with her.
How could this be? She had struggled so hard to overcome everything life had thrown at them. Her accident had forever changed her. The little things they used to argue about weren’t important anymore. She knew she wasn’t a perfect wife nor was she a stereotypical woman, but she had given him everything. How could it not be good enough? How could he not see her as someone worth being married to? How could everything be her fault? She wasn’t young and naive anymore. Nothing was ever only one persons fault she thought. There was no choice, but to give up. Giving up just isn’t her. Never in her life had she given up.
Now she finds herself having to rewrite her fairy tale. Every day she gets a bit stronger. Even on her weakest days. She has begun to realize she is worth it. She doesn’t want to give up her dream of a family. That is to important to her. So if her fairy tale doesn’t end with a man in it then she can adopt or go to a sperm bank. For now her career will become the most important “man” in her life and some of those “National Geographic” dreams will come true.
This is where her fairy tale will have to end. At least for the time being……..