Every day gets a little easier. I don’t feel like I am drowning anymore. I have reached the point where I just want to disassociate. Sometimes I think it is all just a bad dream. Then I realize I am awake and no amount of pinching will wake me up from the nightmare.
I keep reminding myself that God wouldn’t send me more than I can handle. There must be a reason for this even if its just to believe in myself again. Deep sigh…..I did let myself down. I think thats the hardest part, forgiving myself. I never thought I would become the type of woman to stop believing in herself. The good news is, I can start to again and I already have. That’s something I have been working on, believing in me and sticking to the truth. The voice telling me I’m not good enough has become very tiny. I find myself holding my head high, feeling good when I wake up, sleeping better, laughing, smiling and being proud to be me. I have learned that there are actually a lot of people who like me for me. Go figure.
I don’t ever want to go back to the place where I stopped believing in me. I will never be with someone who does that to me. Next time around I will be able to say, you are going to have to be amazing to be with me and I won’t feel guilty for saying that.
Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger. That alone puts a smile on my face.