I have been thinking about gender roles lately. Another issue I struggled with in our marriage. I despise gender roles. Who gets to decide what a woman should and shouldn’t do? The same goes for men. Why does the wife have to be the only one to clean the house, make dinner or go grocery shopping? Why does the man get to do all the outside work? I tried so hard to fit into the traditonal wife role, but I found it incredibly frustrating. It was never acceptable to divide up the work or rotate so one of us wasn’t doing the same thing. All I ever wanted was to talk about things and think outside the box. I am not the greatest cook especially compared to you. Not to mention when I did try cooking I was usually criticized for something.
Who gets to decide what a good wife is for that matter? Does it mean keeping your mouth shut and doing whatever your husband asks? Does it mean you never get to be upset? Does it mean you do all the “woman” things? Does it mean things that are important to you never get to be valued? Does it mean doing everything to make your husband happy, but never feeling it reciprocated? Or does it mean you are treated like an equal? I would like to think it means you are treated like an equal. An equal is something I never felt.
I do not understand why I love someone who completely goes against my values. Then I remember you were not that way before we got married. You would clean and cook all the time. I loved that about you. What happened to the man I fell in love with? Is it because we got married and suddenly you had different expectations of me?
How does a woman keep up with the house, groceries and bills while working full time and taking graduate classes? I used to feel guilty for not being like a “typical” woman wanting to clean and cook all the time. I came to realize that it is unrealistic to think that I should do everything while working full time and being in graduate school. I need and wanted a partner someone to step up and help me. You really are never going to understand how much I struggled to play the role of the good wife.