Has marriage become obsolete? People are still getting married, but the divorce rate has increased dramatically. My parents didn’t stay married, my own marriage only lasted 4 years even though we were together for a total of 10. I know quite a few other young couples who have divorced after a short amount of time. Then there are the couples who have been together for 10, 20, 3o years and still decide to get divorced. It begs to ask the question, what’s the point? Why are people still getting married if divorce is the end result? Do we as a culture even value marriage? Is it because women have begun to assert themselves more in relationships and men are genetically wired to not accept this? Or do men not accept it because they have seen their own mothers take on traditional roles or they have learned from society that women should perform traditional roles? Does it have anything to do with men and women both wanting careers and the stress that goes along with maintaining a career and relationship? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, but I have begun to ask them.
How do you keep a marriage together? Or rather how do you find someone who values marriage enough to work through it? I do believe marriage takes a lot of work and people who think marriage should be easy or that it is easy are only kidding themselves. I also believe that all things that involve hard work are worth it in the end. I am not the type of person who ever takes the easy way out. I push myself to take on new challenges and work through them. That is who I am. I wanted to work through the challenges of marriage. Learning how to compromise, to not hold grudges, to allow your partner space to be themselves, to listen to what your partner values while also staying true to what you value, sharing money and making purchases together. There are many, many challenges in a marriage. It is not easy to over come them.
Not only is it not easy to over come them, but I think you have to be willing to give the marriage time to grow and evolve. Maybe that is what makes me the most frustrated and sad about my circumstance is that didn’t happen. I wanted it to, but I wasn’t given a choice in the matter. I never felt like I was a bad wife. I wanted to talk about our future, make plans, make smart choices about how we spent our money, come up with a budget, set-up a chore schedule, and much more. Every time I tried to bring these things up they were always shot down. It takes a lot more than love to keep a marriage together that much I do know.
Will I ever get married? Am I even capable of allowing myself to get married again?