How is it possible?

How is it possible to love and hate you at the same time? I know the man I fell in love with is a good man. I know you are not a bad person. I find myself in an unshakeable funk right now. I have lost my motivation. I feel like a zombie, just going through the motions. My biggest regret is your unwillingness to go to counseling. I can’t help, but feel like there is a lot of misunderstanding. I can’t help but wonder if we could make it if you were willing to go. Part of me wishes you could see my writings. Then again I did share my journal with you and you didn’t even care about what I wrote. This would be so much easier if I could just hate you. My compassion keeps me from doing that. You will never understand that I can’t see or talk to you right now because it hurts too much. I don’t want you to see me cry so I have to stay away from you. Being an adult is so over rated. All I ever wanted as a kid was to be a grown up and have freedom. Now I don’t want it at all. Funny how once you become an adult you realize its not all its cracked up to be.


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