I don’t let people in easily. I pick and choose who is worthy of my trust. I let you in. I felt safe with you despite how you would treat me sometimes. How am I going to let someone else in? I don’t want to experience this kind of hurt again. Is that what love and intimacy is all about…..getting hurt and then figuring out how to survive? I trusted you to spend my life with and not destroy my heart. Now its all gone. Part of me doesn’t want to risk getting hurt again. I don’t know how I am going to let someone in. Would it be easier or harder to spend my life without someone? People think I am tough, strong and confident, but I am not so sure I am any of those things. I want to be, I try to be, but it doesn’t feel like I am. Part of me wonders how much of this is happening out of anger and frustration on your part. Unless you really are that good at covering things up and wearing a mask I am having a hard time believing some of what is going on. Sometimes it all seems like one big nightmare that I will eventually wake up from. Maybe I am just supposed to have my animals. Maybe that is all that is really capable of loving me for me besides my family and friends. I just don’t know much of anything right now. My thoughts are beginning to eat me alive.


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