I have written this letter countless times in my head. There are many different versions……
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Do you ever still think of me? Does a smell, song or memory ever hit you like a ton of bricks? Followed by thoughts of what we had, broken promises, intimate moments. Are you really happier with her? Is life easier?
The Latest Version:
To my love,
I have met and known several men since our parting. I suppose I have you to thank for expanding my horizons. I have learned a lot. Mostly, I have learned, time does heal all wounds if you have the patience to let it. You continue to be the only man I have ever fought and made changes for. I think you will be the only one I do this for. I have realized being loved by someone shouldn’t take so much work. Work in the sense that who I am as a person should be enough. A man should make you laugh more than he makes you cry. He should listen with compassion and empathy. Ask you for advice and respect your opinion. I have met men who are healthier, more evolved than you. In return they have helped heal me. They have shown me that men are capable of so much more than I ever thought or imagined. Men are capable of friendship, respect and compassion. Qualities I wasn’t sure actually existed because of my experience with you.
I still love you. Quite frankly, I always will. I would like to say I am completely whole from the heartache you caused me, but I’m not quite there. I am OK with that. I am the woman who gets back up. I am not the woman who falls and stays down. I am the woman who sings and dances in the shower, kitchen and car. I am the woman who is becoming the person I am meant to be. I am the woman who is doing this on her own.
My hope for you is that one day you will become the man I know you are capable of being. I forgive you for all the pain, doubt and sadness your actions caused me. I also forgive her.