Today I woke up feeling magical. Yes, magical. That is the perfect word to describe how I feel. The days are rare and far between that I wake up feeling like myself, the me I know I am capable of being, the me I see myself becoming when I clear my mind and meditate. This version of myself is creative, powerful in my own right, free, and peaceful. This is my magic. We all have magic. Not the kind of magic of potions and spells, wizards and dragons. No, the stuff of ordinary people, learning to tap into their own power that lies within, waiting for you to recognize. Today is a damn good brain day. I am smiling as I type these words.
I also know today is a day to cherish. For my life and recovery is still incredibly unpredictable. Good days come and go. Bad days follow. There is no certainty how long the good or bad days will last. It is as if my entire life is a game of Russian Roulette. A dangerous act I know.
On this day I am deeply struck by the need to reflect. To look at the past 31 years of my life. Remembering the head strong sassy young girl I was, and the fearful young woman I became, as life dealt a number of interesting twists, and turns I wasn’t expecting. A hard pill to swallow. Sure I could blame it on other people. But the truth of the matter is I made certain choices. Choices that have defined my life and led me to where I am today. I do not regret them, but, man oh man, I sure did learn from them. There lies the beauty of life, learning.
What would I say to my younger self?
What pieces of advice would I offer?
What wisdom do I hope to impart in future young woman?
Like all good planners and thinkers I made a list:
- Above all else trust your gut. If the little voice inside you is telling you something isn’t right, it’s really quite simple, It ain’t right. This may require running the other direction, having to voice an opinion that will rock the boat,but by all means rock that boat, girl. Stand up for what you believe and never ever compromise that.
- Getting married does not grant you an automatic fairy tale happily ever after. That notion is complete bullshit. I’ll say it again, complete bullshit. If your spouse to be shows signs of disrespect like comparing you to other woman or making fun of you in front of other people, do not under any circumstances marry him. Hell drop his ass. He isn’t even worthy of being your boyfriend. There is a name for it, emotional abuse. It starts small and then grows immensely over time. If you stay in a relationship like that and enter into a marriage with a man like that soon you will wake up and cease to recognize yourself. You deserve better my dear. And trust me, better is out there.
- People will always tell you who you should and shouldn’t be. What you can and cannot do. To hell with them. At the end of the day it’s your choice to become who you want to be. You do not have to conform to anyone’s idea of what a woman is supposed to look or act like. For the record, woman can swear, they can be aggressive, and speak their minds. For heaven’s sake it is 2016. The problem isn’t with you, it’s with other people and their own insecurities, let them be and move on.
- Be kind to yourself. You will expect a lot, have high standards, and a strong drive for success. These are all good things. BUT they will cause you to doubt and speak harshly about yourself. Self Love is your best friend, don’t ever forget that.
- Don’t waste time on people who are takers. They will just take and take, without any thought of ever giving back. And you are a giver. You will give endlessly because you believe in living a life of compassion and kindness.This is also your strength and beauty.
- Do call people out on their bullshit. If they are going to bring the bullshit, they should be corrected. Think of it like training dogs.
- Choose brave over practical every time. This is how you will become the woman you envisioned when you hung all those National Geographic pictures on your bedroom wall in high school.
- Everyone was put on this earth to do something. Write. All the time. Never stop. This is your super power. You were born to write.
- Embrace your creativity. So what if you have a million different ideas rolling around in your head. Try them all. Some may fail. Some may be sheer genius. You’ll never know until you try. And you’ll never rest until you try.
- Bad things happen to good people. Use the bad things that happened to you to help others. Tell those stories because people need to know that they happened. Do not bury the bad. Let the light shine in.
Over time, I am sure this list will grow. Today is a cause for celebration because once again the words are flowing. Writing is my passion. I know this now more than ever. When my brain is strong enough to allow me to write, how can I not believe in magic?